We hear a lot about self love and everyone’s self love journey and I wanna share an “ah-ha” moment for me. I have heard it, been asked it and thought it myself; “what if I look fat?“
My self love journey is probably not too far off from a lot of you. Of course everyone’s is unique but the point I wanna stress is I am still on that journey. Sometimes I think people that recently have met me, or only know me through social media as a boudoir photographer think I am, was born and will always be confident about myself. I suppose there has been some level of confidence within me, but for sure there has been many levels or self doubt, especially in how I look. So you see, being a boudoir photographer and doing the work personally has given me tools to help me along my journey, along with other women.
I can remember picking out swimsuits as young as early middle school worried about how I was going to look in them. Looking back on this I get mixed emotions from rage to tears. At age 11 I was asking myself “what if I look fat?” and “what if I feel fat?” Fat is not a feeling by the way! Honestly, ever since I can remember, I have worried about how I would look in something. My “fear” of looking fat has hindered me in the past. What a shallow thing to hold me back from living my life. What a self centered thing to focus on.
Back to the question, “what if I look fat?” Ok, and what if you do? But really, seriously what if you do look fat? Are you going to lose your best friends, family etc…? Will you start earning less money? What is going to happen? Well, this part is entirely up to you. It will be you that puts your worth on how your body appears. I am going to get wild here and offer up that you are much, much more than just how your body looks. Also, what if – WHAT IF – you also look happy? Confident, radiant, strong, present, powerful, proud, inspiring and FUN also come to mind. I have been making purposeful choices to accept and embrace these over how my body appears in this world. I think the “risk” of seeing myself strong + proud + happy far outweighs how my body looks. Again the choice is yours.
Like any journey, our self love journey has to have a starting point. I think pinpointing the root of who/what/why you feel the way you feel about yourself has to be clear. Then you can unpack and understand the feelings you have to move forward and adjust them. It’s called a journey for a reason, it won’t be easy and it will be an every day thing but it’s better than choosing to be negative to yourself everyday. What would you regret more when you are old looking back at how you treated yourself?
I wish I could give this book to everyone on their self love journey, but I can give you the link. The Geode Theory: Chipping Away at Body Image by Teri Hofford is priceless and a must read! It was an IG post by Teri about “what if I look fat” that was my ah-ha moment. Anytime I start slipping back into that “fear,” I remind myself so fucking what, I am more than what I look like. Some days it’s a bigger pep talk than others, I know my journey will be never ending with some good days and some bad. But if I only ever allow myself to be measured by how my body looks, I know I will never live a fulfilled life. I deserve more than that and so do YOU!
So, if you think you might be ready to take your self-love journey to the next step with boudoir I would be honored to chat. Contact me here to set up a consultation.
