Boudoir Self Portraits are pretty self explanatory but let me paint the scene for you. I had just flown into Vegas, checked into my hotel, unpacked (yes, I am the weird one that likes to unpack) and even walked the strip a bit to grab snacks. It was early afternoon, I was tired but antsy because, well, it’s Vegas. I had time to burn before meeting up with friends and the light was right. It was literally begging & challenging me to pull out my camera.
Boudoir self portraits are not easy, as you could imagine. Even for me. Maybe even harder for me because I have to let go of lots of control. Plus it’s just me in a room with my camera and thoughts. Which can go one of a few ways; good, bad or eh. More on this later.
I think it’s common that people assume as a boudoir photographer I am 100% at peace with my body. Some days I am, other days it’s 25% or 75%. Am I in a better place than I was 3, 5 or 10 years ago? Oh my gosh yes! Because I practice what I preach, key word being practice. It’s about the daily work, the constant mindfulness, giving myself grace, showing up and believing my journey.
At 37 I can say I am in the best place with my body yet. Being aware of what tools I need and what self care I need internally has been the game changer. Lot’s of self reflection and “fuck its.”
I wasn’t really feeling self portraits but the light was too tempting. No makeup, messy hair, feeling the travel grime… the excuses we tell ourselves when we are approaching doing something uncomfortable. So I said fuck it. It’s been the catalyst in my self love healing, it’s my favorite cuss word so it’s fitting. Fuck what people think, fuck how this shirt fits I like, fuck the shoulds we should all over ourselves. So I stripped down, grabbed the bodysuit I brought, hooked up the camera to my phone, found the light and cussed some more. Boudoir self portraits are not graceful, at least not for me. It took some time to get into a flow of letting go, getting the set up I wanted and having my phone and camera play nice. Letting go for me was releasing the idea that I, or even the photos, needed to look a certain way. That this time wasn’t about that – that just like the boudoir experience I offer my clients, it’s about the intention to feel myself connecting to my body in an uncomfortable way. While I like to be in front of the camera, I don’t often take self portraits.
So back to the good, bad or eh. I knew before I started this that it was going to go good, bad of eh. I am great with good, I am even ok with eh, but I wanted to avoid bad. So I unpacked what bad looked like for me; that I would get into a headspace of frustration from expectations and that I would choose to nitpick myself. So I made sure to set myself up for success; I removed expectations confirming with myself that this was for fun to see what happens and that I would allow no nitpicking.
I am ok with eh because eh is neutral and that it neither good nor bad, it just is, but that is a step to good IMO. Setting yourself up for success before a photo shoot is SO important as you do need to meet your photographer half way. An extra special photographer is going to help you with that foundation. I wrote a blog about how to Get the Most From Your Boudoir Session.
With an intentional start to my self portraits and giving myself grace and permission to just be I ended up with images I love in a body I choose to love more than I hate.
Maybe I inspired you to set your phone up and just play, but that is also overwhelming if you aren’t comfortable with self portraits. So instead you set up call with me HERE.
