Some tough love Kenzie coming your way. I am definitely that friend that will annoyingly push you to be your best self, so here I am, being that friend. This has been in the back of my mind for quite some time, but with some recent events in the boudoir community I am coming out with it. It’s going to ruffle some feathers, probably piss some people off and it might even feel inconsiderate. Please know this is NOT my intent, just my point of view & I am always up for a healthy discussion. Especially if it can level up the boudoir world and myself!
Here it goes – I am not a fan of the word “empowered.” There I said it, it’s out there! If you follow me enough you probably notice I rarely, if ever use that word. Sure, I have said it before, back when it held weight for me. The boudoir community, well the photography community in general is real good at just biting off each other. Honestly the amount of blatant copy cats is nauseating. I ain’t perfect, I am definitely guilty of falling into the trap of comparison and not just staying in my lane. But that’s a whole other blog for another crappy month in 2020. Moving on….
Why do I cringe at the word “empowered?” It’s widely overused but vastly under implemented. It’s simply over played. Boudoir photographers have sucked it dry. We use it so willy-nilly, just throwing it around. We have contributed immensely to turning it into a shallow trend word. It’s a safe bet that you could do an IG search of boudoir photographers & click one and in their bio is says “I love to empower women of all…….” or ” Empowering women to….” I can’t be the only one who gags a little when they read this over and over and over and…..? I see it though, it speaks to some people & some boudoir photographers live and breath it! (I can pick these leaders out from the crowd easily and have so much respect for them!) So, for that I do not want to completely bag on it. When used with purpose & passion, empowered actually gives me chills. I just want us to stop using it just because it’s a trend word without really understanding what it means. It’s so obvious when someone is trying to fit a mold for the sake of what they think people will align with rather than being authentic. We should really have a connection as to what it means to us personally and also to our clients. Let’s stop being zombies – we owe ourselves, our craft and our clients much, much more.
I decided to stop using it right around the time this incredible woman came into my life. She was a breath of fresh air and I am just in awe of her. She hired me for a boudoir experience and requested no photoshop. We worked together for another project, followed each other on social and I respected her no BS approach to life. She mentioned something once about how she doesn’t agree with the phrase “body positivity” and that “body acceptance” was more her style. That hit me like a fucking truck and opened my zombie eyes to many other things that I was blindly following. Body positivity is down there with empowered, I believe they are becoming toxic positivity. According to Wikipedia “Body positivity is a social movement rooted in the belief that all human beings should have a positive body image, while challenging the ways in which society presents and views the physical body. The movement advocates the acceptance of all bodies regardless of physical ability, size, gender, race, or appearance.” Unfortunately fat phobia is real + everywhere so many people still feel excluded from the movement because the don’t feel ‘acceptably fat.’
“….. I have come to feel comfortable in my body, regardless of what size I am. Not everyone is there yet. When we consistently exclude those bigger than mainstream plus-size from fashion, from body-positive spaces, and from ideas of what is considered an “acceptable” body, we dehumanize them. Body-acceptance means all bodies. It means a person holds value simply for being human. It means recognizing bodily autonomy, and separating the worth of a person from the characteristics of their body. Everyone deserves to be included.” – Heather Jones
The boudoir community has subconsciously put pressure on it’s photographers to use empowered & body positivity even if we don’t fully grasp what it means & how we are going to teach it. I suppose I have so much respect for the feeling these words bring that I use them very sparingly. Just like how it took me until very recently to call myself a photographer; I have so much respect that I wanted to feel proud when I presented myself as one. I didn’t want to disrespect those who have worked so hard to earn their title.
In turn, now boudoir photographers are putting pressure on clients to feel empowered & be all body positive. “Well, isn’t that what a boudoir experience is all about Kenzie?” Yes & no. You ever experience opening a gift in front of the person who gifted it to you & they were SO excited about it so you felt pressure to be excited too and you were nervous you might not like it? You open it and fake how excited you are. (Assuming that is not just me here) But, it’s kinda like that. Yes, I want my clients to be liberated, feel badass, on top of the world etc but I don’t want to put pressure on them to feel a certain way. And no, because it’s not what it’s ALL about. A boudoir experience is VERY personal, vulnerable, intimating and for many that includes overwhelming. Emotions are all over the map and I do not want to put pressure that might influence their feelings. My studio is a safe space to take the steps towards whatever it is my clients are looking for. This looks different for everyone. I don’t believe it’s my place to push them to feel a certain way. I am sure I don’t get it perfect every single time, but I try. My goal is for my client’s to feel liberated, whoever that looks/feels for them.
The boudoir community was flipped upside down a couple months ago & it made my feelings even stronger towards my distaste for the phoniness I see growing in the community. I am hoping that this unfortunate situation will open more photographer’s eyes to actually practicing, respecting and understanding what we are preaching.
“Nothing has changed in how most people feel about themselves; instead, it’s simply become very gauche to articulate any of those negative feelings. That wouldn’t be very body-positive of you. Criticizing the cultural regime of body positivity is a precarious pursuit, though. Media has been so flatly thin, white, straight, and cisgender for so long that seeing more types of bodies does feel like a step in the right direction, if only a very shallow and tentative first step. And body positivity as a vague concept has been a useful touchstone for plenty of people trying not to hate themselves in a world that insists on it.” – Amanda Mull
I would like to mention that just because a photographer uses these terms doesn’t mean I think they are fake. I follow & respect a few photographers that do. I am just tired of seeing it used so vapidly E V E R Y W H E R E.
Let’s sum it up as I realize I am probably not the best at articulating my feelings, but they are still valid. I think miss using empowered & body positivity is out. Let’s ask ourselves if the way we are using it is adding to the scam factor or if it is genuine. Say what you mean & mean what you say. I like to call it like I see it and I want to challenge boudoir photographers to do better. Myself included. I treasure what I do more than I can put into words. I do not take it lightly that my clients trust me with their experience. I value what this community has to offer with my whole heart, but we should always be growing, learning and becoming better. It’s not the easy route, but it’s the necessary one.
If you are a boudoir photographer or wanting to be one, I highly encourage you to get very up close and personal with your why. That you revisit your why often and update it when needed. Let’s not pretend to be something we aren’t just because it’s what everyone else is doing. Let’s stop preaching things we don’t live by in our own lives. Make sure to also keep in mind + respect your client’s why. We have an amazing opportunity to touch the lives of our clients in such a profound way. Don’t take that for granted. Get out of the rat race of playing keeping with the Joneses in the photo world and do what sets your soul on fire. Own and be proud of what YOU do.
If you are a someone thinking about a boudoir experience, do the research. Find that photographer that feels right, I cannot stress this enough. A bad boudoir experience can result in damaging effects. Have a good connection with your why as well. Know what you want to get out of it and make sure the photographer aligns with it too. This might be a once in a lifetime experience for you, don’t settle and make THE most if it. You deserve it.
Teri Hofford & Cheyenne Gil are two women I look up to immensely. Not only is their work out of this world but they have made it their mission to live & breath their why. IMO they are leading the industry and setting the example of a powerful portrait experience and message.
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